Random thoughts and updates...

Today has been a productive day and it is not over yet.... I have worked on sorting through the last two buckets of random stuff, organized a huge bucket of mail and random papers, packed some more boxes, organized/threw away some of Emma's barbie stuff (most of it used to be mine and was in disrepair, but it was a trip down memory lane), made some Navajo Fry bread for Navajo tacos for dinner and some chocolate cupcakes for Fathers Day tomorrow.

Jeff painted all the rest of our doors with a paint sprayer, and spent hours hauling dirt to the backyard to fill the old oil tank we had cleaned out this week so it is safe and we can keep our homeowners insurance (we had no idea it was on our property). What a Fathers Day weekend, not much rest for either of us, but we have to get this house packed up, projects done so we can put it up for sale ASAP!

Did I mention Juliet is coming in 10 days, excited, overwhelmed, nervous, some anxiety is the best way to describe how we feel about the impending C-section.  Though my body is definitely preparing me for labor, she might try and come sooner, I have had so much lower back labor pain and sciatic nerve pain this last week. I am hoping I can make it through at least the first or second hour of church tomorrow.

My Mom is an angel and helped me today by working on my laundry and sorting through  other random things that have piled up. She is such a blessing, it motivated me because all I wanted to do was hangout in bed!

It is funny, overall in life I feel blessed, I trust my Heavenly Father even through these last nine months of various hardships like pregnancy sickness (I lived through that) and we are still surviving unsteady employment, though the Lord is AMAZING and continues to help us meet our needs.

I look at last summer compared to right now and I feel blessed. I have so many friends here now, I love our home (most of the time), I love our ward, I love the idea of moving even though I go back and forth because staying here has benefits and we don't know where we will be ending up. I love being at home with Emma, I am crazy about her and Jeff. They mean so much to me.

I just wish we had a more set plan (we are both planners, so living life on the fly does awful things to us), we know where we want to be, we have a general idea of how we are going to get there and we have a TON of unanswered questions (this keeps me up at night, along with the baby pressing on my bladder).

There is lots of pressure to sell our house right now while the market here is hot and we can get a decent selling price. We can't share our plans with others because, we have no idea what they are or how they are going to come together. So why drag everyone's emotions all over the map when we can just keep it to ourselves, plus I want to know what God thinks of our plans before I get everyone else in my head trying to persuade me to what they think.

Being nine months pregnant and trying to pack up a house is exhausting, because we also have to finish the rest of the house projects pronto and luckily we still have contract work for Jeff going so we can survive financially, but this means time is short for getting these projects completed. Not having anyone reliable to finish the projects for us is a problem. And wondering how we are going to make ends meet and get this house done so we can sell it is tiring. I feel for my husband, because the pressure is more on him then me right now.

I am just grateful I have what really matters to me. A personal faith and love for my Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father. I am grateful I have enough trust to hand all my worries over to him and trust he has a plan for us and will honor Jeff's hard work to provide for our family. We have done everything we could do that is in our power and so now we just have to see how the Lord will orchestrate where he wants us and how!

I have had to go back MANY times to the night we prayed about having Juliet, I could never deny the spirit that I felt so strongly when I prayed about getting pregnant, it has sustained me so many times during this pregnancy and all these life changes.

Contemplating selling most of what we have and our home is tough sometimes for me, but these things are not everything to me. The only reason we are selling things is to be able to live in a smaller space comfortably. I like having three bedrooms and I love my piano, so I don't relish the thought of downsizing to a two bedroom apartment or selling my piano.  Being with Jeff, Emma and Juliet is what means the most to me and it does not matter if it is a smaller house, apartment, in another state or here, as long as I have my little family I know I can be happy. I take comfort in this thought.

I also see how Heavenly Father is blessing us in a million ways. For example, we needed a baby swing and we got one for free from a friend at church, we needed a double stroller and the money we got from the baby shower helped us purchase one for a great price on sale. We have a great Realtor to help us sell our home and we found out we can qualify to purchase another home as soon as Jeff finds a full time job. So this is comforting, we have a fun idea that excites both Jeff and myself and so I feel blessed with all these things and more.

The one thing I feel guilty for is my daughter is struggling with moving, she keeps telling me she does not want to move and why. I remember all the times my parents moved me from places I loved and so it intensifies the guilt! Our goal is to provide stability for her where we do move, with a more set routine and a way for her to play outside more. She has so many changes and adaptions to make these next few months, I feel for her. It is not going to be easy adapting to having a baby in the house, I have worked on so many ways to make this transition easier on her, but moving  has thrown me for a loop! So pray for us, we are going to need it!  

I think this sums up my crazy life right now!