Emma's Birth Story and Life Now....

Dear Emma,

My little sweetheart, life is happening so fast. I got checked into the hospital yesterday to again check for preeclampsia and went through the painful experience of a catheter being inserted to get the sample they needed to check for protein. It showed protein in my urine and so they decided to check me into the hospital for observation. I got into the room, it is pretty snazzy!

A flat screen with cable, our nurses have been wonderful. We started with Jackie, then had April, Shirley and we will see who we get tomorrow. I am hoping Jackie, her shift is on Sunday. I had to do another 24 hour kidney test and was up most of the night having to use the restroom and I think I finally fell asleep around 4:00 AM and was so exhausted, but hungry. Breakfast came at 8:00 AM and I was so grateful, because I could then sleep for awhile. Aunt Lindsay came to visit me and your Dad at 11:00 AM and brought Grandma to stay with me.

Then your Dad gave me a blessing and went to go work on the house. We are getting carpet in the house on Wednesday and so he is spending the day working on baseboards.

So about 3:30 PM, I found out that I had 318 test results, preeclampsia starts at a 300 level. Two weeks ago, I was at a 245, so because of the jump, I was not being released and had two options. The difficult part in all of this is I am not effaced at all and I have not dilated more than 1 CM. So I am not a favorable candidate for induction. The two options were to have a scheduled C-section, so I could eat and rest tonight and have it in the morning. Or I could go through two different painful options of starting induction, risk it not progressing after hours of contractions and then go into an emergency C-section. I chose the first option.

I am surprisingly calm right now, but I think it is because I trust my Doctor, and she has so much experience. Also the surgery has gotten better since my Mom had one and so I think it will be better. No matter how you come into this world, it is going to involve pain and recovery so I am just accepting this fact. I feel blessed because we have so many people praying for us and I have received blessings indicating you will be healthy.


Grandma went to the ward Christmas party and I am here writing you a letter. Once you get here I am going to be busy staring into your eyes and will be recovering from the C-section and learning how to be a new mother, especially one who wants to breastfeed! I hope we can learn everything together.


Grandma was with me yesterday till 5 pm, then Daddy came later (he was at home gathering your bag, my bag and everything else I could think of that I thought we needed. He also brought me Tropical Smoothie Café since dinner was not too appealing! LOL, I think I worried the dietician, because I got a call this morning asking me for food preferences! I kept being brought food I disliked and so only eating what looked good! Dinner tonight was really good and I liked everything they offered.


December 5, 2010
So I was awakened early to start getting ready for the C-section and I felt surprisingly calm. I think everyone’s prayers helped me a lot. My dear friend Faith and I talked the night before and she gave me great advice to help me with everything I was going to be going through. The advice that helped the most was asking to listen to my music in the surgery room and they went for it. This calmed me a thousand times over, especially when I was by myself and they were stitching me up. Just being prepared for what was going to be coming was nice. Jackie was your nurse, but she helped me through the Epidural and it was not as bad as I thought it would be; I could not feel anything. Everything happened quickly. They escorted your Father in and about three minutes into him getting there, you arrived at 10:25 AM to Katherine Nelson, track number 5. I LOVE this song and play the CD all the time.


You are so precious! When I saw you for the first time, I just thought you were beautiful, you were covered in blood and upset about having to come out of me. But, when they put you into your Father’s arms you were quiet and just looking around. I thought you were so beautiful. We got a few pictures (the awful ones of me with the oxygen mask making me look like a beaver) and you and your father were whisked off to get cleaned up and you Dad was thrilled that he got to give you your first bath in the hospital. You got a really great Apgar score, a 9.9, which is unheard of!


They finished stitching me up, which took a good forty minutes, I know because the CD ended right when they finished. I was brought back into the room, I felt so anxious to see you and when they brought you into me, I cherished holding you and really looking at you. I was thrilled with every feature. To name a few, your lips are so endearing, your long fingers and toes, your feet, your ears, your blue eyes and your head of hair. You are long and thin. You are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. We started breastfeeding and then the nurses put magnesium into my IV to prevent seizures. This stuff was terrible, it made me groggy and I felt out of it, I was also extremely hot instantly and later I learned it delayed my milk from coming in.

Your first visitors were Grandma Thomas and Uncle John, they were so thrilled to be there with you. Then Uncle Robert, Aunt Amanda and cousin Alyssa came to visit and then Aunt Lindsay and cousin Cameron came and Uncle John also came back again. My friend Daisy Commander also came to see you, they all thought you were beautiful. Then it was back to Mommy and Daddy time. I did not want you out of my sight; I just kept thinking that if I were a newborn and entered into this world, I would want to be near my Mommy. So I kept you in the room with me instead of having you sleep in the nursery and we kept practicing breastfeeding.


Your Life So Far…. (written at 6 weeks old)


The next day, we had lots of hospital visitors, the pediatrician, nurses coming in and out, the breast feeding consultant Loretta (who is AWESOME) and the hearing specialist (you checked out great). The third day, we had breastfeeding issues, you wanted milk and I wanted to give it to you, but it was not coming in and you and we were getting so frustrated. I got scared because your voice was getting hoarse because you were so upset. Loretta and I decided to supplement with formula till my milk came in with a syringe and tube feed you with my finger. Your eyes just popped with life when you started sucking and then you were so content!

I was so relieved; the nurse Camie (who I loved and trusted) convinced me that I needed to rest since I was exhausted and so emotional from all the hours of breastfeeding trauma, so I relented to giving you over for an hour and half so I could nap. Loretta told me what a great Mother I am too you and a natural at breastfeeding! She said what saved us from all the trauma was your strong desire to suck and I was blessed with a good chest for breastfeeding! LOL Thank goodness!
Dad was trying to get the house prepped for the carpet men to come to the house so he was not there during the day while we were at the hospital Monday and Tuesday. So that is why he was not able to hold you and be with you while I rested. But, you were in great hands. Camie was so excited to finally get to hold you, it made me feel safe giving you to her for that short time. I slept and felt so much better.


Okay, so you need to know the truth about having a baby, because I don’t want you to be surprised. Going to the bathroom after having a catheter in you is painful; especially having a bowel movement is difficult. Second, your privacy is shot, the nurses had to help me bathe, go to the bathroom and walk. The good news is that you get used to it, because you just want the help. I am very independent and was really worried previously about all of this, but trust me you will come to accept the help. Getting in and out of bed was so PAINFUL!

Tuesday night, I was so tired, you did spend three hours in the nursery, after your Dad and the night nurse convinced me that I needed to rest since it was my last night in the hospital. I had a hard time letting you go, I slept for two hours and then woke up often and then at five, I could hardly stand it, I just wanted you near me. I knew I would sleep better. I just felt foolish asking for you from the nurse, since she had planned on coming in at 5:30 AM. I will never do that again, I am going to listen to my motherly instincts. The nurse came in at 5:15 AM and said you had been crying for 15 minutes straight and nothing she did was helping you. The minute I held you, you calmed down instantly and were soothed. I was annoyed with myself for waiting when I had felt to get you. Lesson learned early on in parenting, go with my intuition.


Discharging took all day Wednesday and then we stayed two nights at Uncle John and Aunt Lindsay’s because the carpet had just been installed at our house and we did not want you to inhale those fumes. I had a rough night breastfeeding and was extremely emotional that night; your dad helped me though it and took over for an hour so I could get a little sleep. That is when Aunt Lindsay rescued us from giving up again on breastfeeding, by offering her really nice breast pump. Pumping got my milk to come in and miracle of miracles you took the breast and were so much happier and it has been that way ever since. We still have difficult breast feeding moments, but I love breast-feeding. It is uncomfortable on occasion and I am getting more comfortable doing it in public (covered obviously), but it is great that you love it so much and I do too.


I love that it has helped me get my body back so much faster, I still have a stomach, but I have lost all my pregnancy weight, the first thirty was gone in three weeks (I was really filled with liquid) and have since lost the last six pounds. Now I need to get rid of thirty other pounds, but I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight and my face is so much thinner, even more so then when I was pre-pregnant. So your Momma loves breastfeeding!


You are now six weeks old, and are growing like crazy. You weigh 10 pounds and are 21 inches (last Doctor’s visit). You went to church for the first time last week and it went well. I loved going, I was ready to be out and it was great to listen to the talks and feel inspired spiritually. I love my young women, so it was great to be there again with them.


Things I love about you: The way you yawn is super cute; you love stretching and remind me of a cat with how you stretch. You also use one of your arms and stretch it out, holding the other one close to you (reminds me of a super woman pose). I love the way you move your head and the way your lips move when you are hungry and looking for my breast! You have smiled a lot in your sleep and have smiled at your Dad and me at least once. I loved hearing your laugh, it has only happened once while you were sleeping. You LOVE the lights and constantly looking at them when you can. You pucker your lips a lot and you love to be held. I hold you all the time and I do get slack for it from others (I don’t care; because I feel like I am doing what is best for you). I have read articles saying children who are held a lot have greater emotional intelligence and feel more secure and safe. We talk to you all the time and tell you everything we are doing. You are calm when getting your diaper change, unless you have a bad diaper rash or are hungry. You have accepted your car seat for the most part, your dad swings you a little to calm you down at first.


Your life has not been that easy since you got here, because you have had a hard time with gas and acid reflux. You hate the acid reflux medicine, but like the gas drops and vitamin medicine the doctor recommended. I have been up many nights with you, because of the gas and acid reflux, besides the normal night feedings.


Doctor O and staff always comment on how beautiful you are and strong! You have been able to hold your neck up well since the first week you were born. You also have great use of your arms and fingers. You don’t scrunch up your fingers, you leave them open for us all to admire! You won’t take the pacifier or my breast milk in a bottle. In fact, you refuse and get really upset when we have tried! The only person who is able to help you accept a pacifier is Aunt Lindsay.
Emma, you are loved, beyond what you can ever comprehend. I don’t care when you spit up on me, poop on me or cry because I just want to be there for you through it all. I will say it is torture for us when you are in pain and I can’t take the pain from you. I hate this part of parenting, I hate seeing you suffer. But, I am comforted knowing I am doing everything I can to make you feel better.
Thanks for choosing me as your Mom (I like to believe you chose me and I chose you). Your Father loves and adores you; he sings you songs and teases you on occasion. He sings you my favorite Father/Daughter song. He takes great care of you too, he holds you, helps to bathe you, changes your diapers, rocks you and you have accepted him as a comforter. He even has been brave enough to check your temperature twice and done the nose suction thing you hate. Daddy has already taken you on a Father/Daughter date to Home Depot and he said you slept through it! He loves showing you off and is concerned about your well being too, he is at every Doctor’s appointment (except one that was unavoidable). Dr. O praises him galore everytime we go, for being so smart and so hands on as a Father! He was just as excited as I was about the name decoration we found online and ordered.

Well, I should get to those dishes, but I wanted to take time to write how you came into this world and the experiences I cherish and don’t want to forget. I love you a million times over and am delighted to be your mother!
Love, Mommy